BY BRIAN J. LOWNEY, Assistant Editor
LINCOLN — Jeffrey Michalenka’s sudden death by suicide not only stunned his family, but also jolted St. Jude Parish, where the young man had recently been confirmed.
“His peers in church activities were devastated and still are,” emphasized Father Bernard C. Lavin. Michalenka was a member of the parish’s Hospitality Team and participated in the annual Passion Play.
“It was very hard,” the priest continued, adding that the town of Lincoln has buried many young men and women in recent years. “It’s always difficult to bury a child — no matter what the circumstances.”
During his Feb. 2 presentation at St. Jude’s, seminar leader Raymond Edler told more than 200 religious education students that according to statistics provided by the National Institute for Child Health and Human Development, 43 percent of all bystanders attempt to help victims of bullying; 33 percent feel that they should help but don't; and 24 percent feel that bullying is none of their business.
“Intervention is heroic,” Edler told the attentive students, comparing advocates to the Good Samaritan, who was moved with compassion to care for a victim of robbery after the man was ignored by both a priest and a Levite.
“Who was the hero of the story?” Edler asked the audience. “Who among us will be neighbor to the bully’s victim?”
He told the students that dissenters — the courageous individuals who refuse to “follow the crowd and who advocate for the bullying victim” — initially stand alone, but eventually gain allies as their friends model the helping behavior.
Edler said that students who intervene need a comfortable reporting system and responsible people in whom they can confide and trust.
He emphasized that consequences for bullies need to be stern, predictable and escalating.
“The consequences need to get worse with repeated offenses,” Edler said. “It’s not just a slap on the wrist. The consequences need to be clearly defined.” He described bullying as “peer brutality. Bullying is a serious issue. It needs to be confronted. As Catholics, as a people of faith, it’s a moral and religious issue.”
He suggested that students learn from the example set by the New England Patriots, who have earned a reputation for refusing to degrade their opponents.
“Look deep into the personality of another person,” Edler emphasized. “There is always beauty.”
Amanda, an 11 year-old sixth grade student at Lincoln Middle School whose last name is being withheld to protect her anonymity, noted that she is sometimes bullied.
“Sometimes when I drop my books, kids will laugh,” she reported, adding that she has never been physically assaulted.
The young woman said that when administrators and teachers at her school witness an act of bullying, they take the perpetrator aside and take appropriate action.
She added that students who excel academically are sometimes singled out and become the subject of ridicule.
“You shouldn’t bully just because someone is different or they can’t do something that others can do,” Amanda replied when asked what she learned from the workshop.
Lincoln High School student Tom Carroll, 15, also noted that teachers are quick to intervene when harassment occurs, but added that bullying often happens on buses and other unsupervised areas.
Carroll added that he has spoken up in the past on behalf of a student being mistreated.
“It’s not right,” he said. “Everyone should be treated like a normal person.
“Jeffrey’s death definitely affected people,” Carroll continued. “Any time there is a death in a community there’s remorse regardless of their popularity.”
He added that the workshop was “a positive step” in promoting non-violence and putting an end to bullying.
The diocesan Peace and Justice Education Program in the Office of Community Services and Advocacy offers workshops on non-violence, conflict resolution and anger management for schools and religious education programs, and provides in-service training for teachers and catechists.
“What I feel is missing in a lot of programs that address youth non-violence and conflict resolution is that they focus on strategies without first addressing the underlying beliefs and values that contribute to the youths’ actions,” said Patricia Jaehnig, Peace and Justice Coordinator.
For more information, call 421-7833, ext. 101; or e-mail pjaehnig@dioceseofprovidence.com.
