PROVIDENCE — Ahead of St. Valentine’s Day, the Diocese of Providence hosted a first-ever event to celebrate newlyweds. Couples who were married within the last three years were invited to tour the Cathedral of SS. Peter and Paul, enjoy refreshments, and share what they’ve learned about married life.
The event was hosted by Julie Bradley, a marriage and family life consultant who started working with the diocese about a year ago to promote the vocation and sanctity of marriage. Father Thomas Woodhouse, pastor of St. Paul Parish, Cranston, was the guest speaker.
For the first 45 minutes of the night, couples were invited to walk upstairs and immerse themselves in the cathedral’s beauty via a self-guided tour chock-full of interesting facts. It started with the tomb of Bishop Thomas Hendricken, the first bishop of the Diocese of Providence, and fittingly ended with the gorgeous bronze-cast tabernacle to the right of the altar.
The 25 couples then went downstairs to the cathedral hall and introduced themselves, before Father Woodhouse offered a 30-minute talk facilitated by Bradley. After that, Bradley threw in a “twist” as she separated the husbands and wives into two groups to reflect on the joys and challenges of their new vocation. These groups were facilitated by four couples who have been married for decades.
During the talk, Father Woodhouse pointed out that although he isn’t married, he is married to the church in a spiritual sense. His own vocation, he said, has given him a unique outside perspective on the importance of marriage and how it should be treated like the divine gift that it is.
“One thing I’ve heard before, and it’s true, is that there’s not too much of a difference between married life and holy orders,” he said. “In holy orders, we give ourselves entirely to the church. It’s a self-gift, whereas in marriage, the spouse gives oneself to the other entirely. That’s the beauty of marriage and the sacrament of holy orders. It’s all about self-gift, one to the other.”
Father Woodhouse also highlighted the importance of getting married in a church.
“You have invited Jesus to your wedding,” he said. “For two baptized persons in a valid union, I think a lot of people have a misunderstanding or don’t understand fully what a sacrament is. And that’s sharing in the divine life. You are bringing the divine into your union.”
Father Woodhouse added that, for two baptized Christians, treating marriage like a sacrament can create a powerful bond that allows you to enter into the rest of the sacraments alongside a spouse that can hold you accountable. It also gives a couple access to divine help through prayer to the Blessed Mother, St. Joseph, and Christ, who can strengthen that bond.
“You can’t get any stronger than that,” he said.
Father Woodhouse feels hopeful about the future of marriage, as he’s seen a few couples come to him asking to get their civil, attempted marriages, which are not valid, convalidated in the Catholic Church after being married outside the church.
Father Woodhouse’s closing advice to couples was to pray together, go to Mass together, go to confession and adoration together, and do all of these things often.
“God’s there to help you,” he said. “He wants your marriage to succeed, he wants it to be fruitful. Talk to him, and he’ll make it happen.”
In separate groups, the husbands and wives were asked what’s surprised them about married life so far. A common response was that it’s easy to believe that after getting married, their spouse will instantly become the perfected version of themselves and that any irritating habits will instantly disappear. That’s often not the case, which is why many couples are learning about how to work though conflict and to remember that God is there to help them both individually and in their marriage.
Bradley shared that one of her only regrets from early on in her marriage was not allowing herself to ask for help from her husband of 25 years. She stayed at home while raising their three children but was afraid to burden him with the challenges of parenthood when he still had a job to worry about. She encouraged the young couples to communicate and trust that their spouse is willing to provide, since that’s what they signed up for in the first place.
Bradley said there is a difference between being a marriage consultant versus a counselor. She’s not licensed to conduct one-on-one counseling appointments but instead acts as an advocate for marriage through collaboration with parishes and planning events like these.
“My role really is to think about what takes place during marriage preparation,” she said. “This and other events that we’re going to plan are going to be an outgrowth of ongoing support because marriage is really our foundation of a family. And so, we want to support the sacrament of marriage throughout all of its stages.”
Bradley’s goal is to eventually plan events geared toward every stage of marriage such as new parents, empty nesters, etc. She said that since this event went so well, she’s looking forward to her next event, Marriage Enrichment Day. She’s encouraging all married couples to mark their calendars for June 21 and come to the Shrine of the Little Flower in Burrillville. More details will be posted in the coming months.
