“Mom, she told me I’m stupid!” My five-year old rushed in to tell me one morning, after I had swept the crumbs off the floor from breakfast. “Well, are you stupid?” I asked as I picked up the baby. “No!” my sweet child retorted while stomping on the ground and demanding that I punish my three-year old, who knows exactly which buttons to press, how hard to press them and when to press them on both older siblings.
“Sweetheart, you aren’t stupid. I know you are smart, you know you are smart and do you know what is most important?” I asked as I could see the anger slowly starting to diminish in my child’s face. “Jesus doesn’t think you are dumb. He thinks you are extremely intelligent and wonderful. Remember, he made you.”
With that, my five-year old went back into the boxing ring —I mean living room — to face the tougher-than-nails three-year old while shouting “Ha ha! I’m not stupid. Jesus thinks I am smart!”
Full disclosure: that did absolutely nothing to derail my three-year old from continuing a rampage of insults and taunting which caused me to intervene before things escalated even more.
However, this is the approach that I have found works best when dealing with a bully.
Even if that bully is three years old and as cute as they are naughty.
This approach, so far, has worked on all our children. Whenever one of them is hurling insults, I say: “Jesus thinks otherwise.” I also stop the offending sibling and correct them to know that it’s sinful, our words have value and we should be quiet if we don’t have anything good to say. But I make it a point to explain that it does not matter one bit what anyone else in the entire world thinks of us. Jesus loves us and he loves us tremendously. Because of his great love for us, we don’t have to care about others’ opinions of us.
In fact, as Catholics, we should actually get used to being attacked for our faith and to always remain humble so that if someone does try to offend us, we won’t care.
Another point that I highlight when our children encounter bullies, whether at home or elsewhere, is to remember hurt people hurt people and even bullies or troublemakers need our forgiveness and prayers.
We make it a point to pray for those who hurt us because God did not make any “bad” people. People make bad choices. Everything that is evil in this world, big or small, is a consequence of sin. The “bully” must be hurting, for whatever reason, so while we should maintain distance from people who hurt us and not allow them to hurt us, we still need to forgive them and pray for them.
Bully-proofing our children will take time, but the more we can reinforce Catholic values and teaching, the better the outcomes will be for our children.
We want our children’s self-esteem to be rooted in the love that Jesus has for them, not what other people think.
We always tell our children to remember to only “play for an audience of one: God.”
All children need to be reminded each day of how much Jesus loves them and that Jesus loves them unconditionally. Adults need to know this too. Knowing God’s love for us acts as a shield against others who try to hurt us. Laying this foundation when children are younger is beneficial for their entire lives. It is never too late, however, as I have used this technique of thinking “Jesus thinks otherwise” when I have been confronted with “bullies” as an adult.
While there is much more that can be said regarding bullying, the bible has a multitude of passages which can be applied to bullying. The following are just two passages to meditate on.
One passage is Matthew 5:43-48 which details how we should emulate our Father in Heaven by loving, doing good for and praying for our enemies. The second is from Luke 23:34. When Jesus was dying on the Cross, he said “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Lastly, there are many great saints who have had experiences with bullies in one way or another. It is good to both study and learn about their lives to gain inspiration for our path to Heaven and to also ask for their intercession. These saints are St. Stephen, St. Lawrence, St. Justin the Martyr, Pope St. Clement, St. Philomena, St. Ignatius Of Antioch, St. Dominic Savio, St. Josephine Bahkita, Blessed Miguel Pro and St. Teresa of Avila.
Speaking of St. Teresa of Avila, read her full prayer: “Let Nothing Disturb You” and be at peace resting in God’s love.
Christina Frye is a lifelong Rhode Islander, wife, mother and founder of Catholic Mom Rhode Island, www.CatholicMomRI.com.
